How To Fail At Being A Doctor
by BadKitty17
Summary: What would happen if America were a doctor? Let's find out here!


**Hetalia is owned by Hidekaz Himaruya, this fanfiction is owned by me.**

America and England were sat in the latter's front room, talking about…well, anything that came to the two's minds.

"Hey, remember the time you had that fever and I totally cured you and saved you from France?" the younger nation asked, jabbing England with his elbow.

England gave him a shove, before he replied, "Saved me from France, yes. Cured me? No." the elder nation shuddered as he remembered the look in France's eyes when he said 'Now is my big chance!'

America stuck his lip out in mock sadness. "You don't remember feeling _so_ much better after I put a burger on your forehead and thanking me and saying that I should totally be a doctor?" he teased.

"I _remember_ getting better a few days later, no thanks to you sticking that artery clogging thing on my forehead!" the blonde nation ranted, grabbing the jacket of his younger sibling.

"Whatever. I _still_ bet I'd make a totally awesome doctor," America retorted, pushing him off.

"Then what's a heart?" England asked.

"Uh…uh…I know! It's the part the body that makes you feel love!" America responded, making a heart shape with his hands. "And it's also super fragile, and breaks really easy!" and the younger nation broke the heart he'd made.

England shook his head. "No, you bloody moron! That's not it at all!"

"I would be the best doctor ever!" America demanded.

England realised that there was no getting through his brother's impenetrable skull. _Idiot,_ he said under his breath.

America had no recollection of falling asleep that night, but the next thing he knew, he was stood in a sterile room, dressed in scrubs.

 _Sweet! Looks like I became a doctor!_ He mused, admiring his outfit. He surveyed his surroundings, and saw that there were a load of vials, machines and tubes, the likes of which he had no idea what were for. There were also several beds, each of them with some sort of curtain around them.

America looked around and eventually found the door, which had a large sign, displaying the words 'Accident and Emergency'.

"Is this place the emergency room or what?" the nation enquired quizzically, cocking his head.

He jumped back from the door when a team of doctors and nurses came through, with a patient.

"Doctor Jones! Thank God you're here! Can you give us a hand?" asked a nurse who looked suspiciously like England…

"Sup Britain, whaddaya need?" America replied casually.

"We have a patient here that's suffering from deep wounds on his chest. He's haemorrhaging a lot," a Germany-alike doctor explained. "Immediate treatment is necessary!"

Haemorrhaging? What on Earth did that mean? "Uh…You got it Germany! Let's uh…let's get the patient fixed up!"

"Wait, did you just call Dr Beilschmidt Germany?" an Italy-alike nurse asked.

"Well, that is the country he is," America replied.

Dr Beilschmidt glanced confusedly at the others. "Pretty sure I'm not a country," he remarked.

"Perhaps Dr Jones need brain scan, da?" a Russia-esque doctor added.

"Stop wasting time here and let's get a move on!" the England-alike nurse barked.

"Huh?! What's that beeping sound?" America asked, when the group had got the patient to an O.R.

"The patient's flat-lining! What do we do?" the Italy-alike nurse asked worriedly.

Time for America to prove himself as a doctor! He knew this! "We, uh…shock them with these things!" he replied confidently, grabbing the paddles connecting to the defibrillator.

"Clear!" he shouted, jumping on top of the operating table and trying to press the paddles to the patient's body, before he was pulled away by Dr Beilschmidt.

"Don't do that, you dummkopf!" the doctor bellowed, dumping him on the floor.

"Well, how else am I supposed to save this guy?!"

"You don't restart the patient's heart by getting on top of them, you git!" the England-alike nurse barked. "Dr Braginski, start chest compressions!" he ordered.

The Russia look-alike complied, and soon, the patient's heart was beating again.

"Now what do we do?" America asked, as all the others face-palmed.

"Now, we start fixing these wounds," the Germany-alike explained calmly.

"OK, let's get some band-aids on this guy!" America said proudly, producing a package of rather small plasters.

Dr Beilschmidt shook his head. "Get me the sutures. And a drain," he commanded, paying no attention to America, who made puppy dog eyes at the others.

Once the operation was complete, America received a major grilling from the others.

"What were you doing back there?!" Dr Beilschmidt bellowed.

"You suck at this doctor business, da?" Dr Braginski asked sarcastically.

"You're a failure as a doctor!" Nurse Kirkland barked.

America woke up with a start the next morning.

"Being a doctor would totally suck," he decided, heading downstairs to look for breakfast.


End file.
